How nuts is it that I'm considering having a heart transplant? I know it's not like picking out new hair (color, style, length even), new eyes (glasses or contacts), deciding on a nail color since the weather's warm and open toe shoes are a must. Major surgery to replace my heart, extreme maybe, but what else could rid me of this pain. All I know is the one currently in my chest aches too much so isn't that the next logical move, get on a list somewhere to get another one? That has to be an acceptable excuse right, seem to me, one that will bump me up closer to the front of the line, people are sympathetic to heartache right? I'm not all that gung ho to part with it, it's been mine, well on lone to me since birth, but this ole’ heart of mine is cracking under the pressure of hurt and I need so desperately for it to stop.
What's "wrong" with me, oh nothing terminal, well not by medical standards so I'm guessing there's no scientific, medical term for it. I have a known condition though, one that doesn’t get spoken of in public much, there are no annual walks or fund raisers for (ooh light bulb!) and as far as I know of, no rallies or telethons held in support of, to raise awareness about, to find a cure for. There may not have been many studies done on it, at least not by any reputable medical journals. Who am I kidding, if there are any, I wouldn't know, I don't read medical journals, so best I can do is assume there aren’t but a small few, if any. Yeah I could Google it, but I’m too busy typing now, don’t feel like it. There it is, another glaring side affect to being inflicted with heartache, laziness. What I have may not have a clinical diagnosis, but at the very least, my condition has been appropriately named, by someone who may have questionable social standards but can work his way around music that explains so eloquently just what I and possibly thousands of others suffer from daily.
Yes, it was none other than Jon Mayer, who has so accurately put name to “our condition". A condition I've experienced for many years, but has become more exacerbated during the past few months. My condition, as that of my fellow sufferers, is the very painful, unremorseful condition of: "Dreaming with a Broken Heart". I am a sufferer, will I be a survivor, only time will tell. Hey how about that, I've been told that “Time” is one of the best cures for this not so rare condition, that and "the focusing on and accomplishing of goals". It that true, cause I've taken "Time", to ponder, envision, fantasize, reflect and all that's done is increase the symptoms and the pain. From what I hear, "Time" has seem to be the most effective method thus far, well based on this one generic study I remember now hearing about that used "Time" and the placebo, "Keeping otherwise active". But a third, smaller group had the best results with managing the symptoms associated with the dreaded, "Dreaming with a Broken Heart”, when having both.
So with a strong 5,000 mg daily dose of “Time”, that seems to kick in slowly and one side effect is that an hour can seem like a minute and a minute an hour some days (totally heard that in a movie - points if you know which?) It's true though. Sometimes the side effects can fluctuate on the same day. When that happens, it's a breeding ground for the inevitable symptoms to rear their ugliness by the second, those that render me exposed, vulnerable, crying and twitching uncontrollably. Symptoms such as, the “what ifs”, “wish I hads”, “if onlys”, “why me’s”, “if I could do overs”, and the like. Before surgery, I'm sure something would be prescribed anyhow so how about I put myself on this strict combination of both, “Time” and "keeping otherwise active". Hey, if this is the most effective method to not needing a complete heart transplant, I'm all for giving it a try. The relapse though, there’s always room for a relapse, is the worse and will have me quickly figuring out ways to finagle my way on to that transplant list again.
With the rule of no refills of “Time”, as the days pass I'm closer and closer to being out, so I need to rely less on the "promise" of the relief “Time” can bring and double up a few on my "Keep otherwise active", for which there is no foreseeable end supply. Good thing I have a lifetime prescription for that, well come to think of it, my "keep otherwise busy" has the same expiration date as my "Time" so they'll always have to be used in combination for maximum results. Possibly, the transplant I truly need is for my imagination, instead of my heart, for that's where my symptoms seem to manifest from. Yes, a change of mind, that will undoubtedly change my heart. Could that be all it'll take? Simply said but not so simply done, huh! So I'll keep you posted about the list just so you'll know if you'll need to buy a recovery gift but for now, maintaining a consistent dose of "Time" and "Keeping otherwise active" sounds like a more plausible approach for my broken heart.
I wish for no others to have this condition but I know there will be inevitably be those newly "diagnosed". I just hope they will find the same remedy to be effective for them or the list for heart transplants will become amazingly long.
Thanks for reading, be well and be kind to a stranger, even if it's with only a smile!
